My first "first"

Those of you who have followed my blog know that I don't post on Sundays. Last Sunday was the first exception, today will be the second.

I've often heard it said that the first year after losing a loved one is the hardest...a year of "firsts" if you will. All the holidays, birthdays, anniversary and so forth will come and go for the first time without that special someone.

Today was my first "first." The first time I attended church and Sunday School without my Sweet Hubby. I found that I could hold myself together as long as people didn't hug me. When they hugged me, I fell apart. And they all wanted to hug me...God bless them, they so lovingly represent the Body of Christ.

After Sunday School, I took my little garden seat, went behind the church to the cemetery and sat in the sunshine at my Sweet Hubby's grave. Oh, I still can't believe I'm typing that. I couldn't believe I was sitting there today. It just doesn't seem possible that he's gone. It just doesn't seem possible that a week ago I was holding his hand as he slipped away from me...

I don't think I'll be posting tomorrow. But tonight I wanted to share with you one of the songs they played at my Sweet Hubby's funeral on Wednesday. Now, he asked that two songs be sung - Ave Maria and Bring the Rain. Two members of our church choir sang those solos and they sang them so beautifully...

But I requested a third song be played. It's one by Todd Agnew and not that well known. But from the first moment that I heard it, I fell in love with it. My Sweet Hubby and I used to love listening to Todd's music and this song was a favorite of ours. It is meant to be listened to as the Lord singing to us...so picture that as you listen. I hope it touches your heart as much as it always did ours. **Remember to scroll down and pause my player before clicking the link**

The Martyr's Song ~ Todd Agnew

And because I like you to know exactly what you're hearing, here are the lyrics as well:

Sing o son of Zion, shout o child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind

I’ve been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you've never seen
And I’ve been waiting to show you beauty you've never dreamed that's always been in you
And I’ve been waiting to see you tremble as you’re embraced by a world saturated with my love
And I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing o son of Zion, shout o child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I’ve been waiting to watch you realize what all your longing was for
I’ve been waiting to show you the thread of grace that ran through all your pain
And I’ve been waiting to let you drink the water of which your greatest joy on earth was just a taste
And I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing o son of Zion, shout o child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
Sing o daughter of Zion; cry out o child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home

Every tear you cry dried in the palm of my hand
Every lonely hour was by my side
Every loved one lost, every river crossed
Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day
I’ve been longing for this day

I’ve been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you've never seen
And I’ve been waiting to show you beauty you've never dreamed that's always been in you
And I’ve been waiting to see you tremble as you’re embraced by a world saturated with my love
And I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing o son of Zion, shout o child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
Sing o daughter of Zion; cry out o child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home

Sing of son of Zion, shout o child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
And sing of daughter of Zion; cry out o child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home
For you are finally home

Child of mine

Finally home

For you are finally home

I love you sweetheart...oh dear Lord I miss you.