A breather

The past few weeks have left me a bit battered, so I think I'm going to take a bit of a breather. I'm doing fine, so don't worry - just need to take a little bit of time to get it all together again. And I will...I am. So don't go anywhere. Promise? I won't be gone long.

~In the meantime, I wish you and yours a most blessed Thanksgiving.~

I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30

5 letters

One BIG word.

f a i t h

*Remember to scroll down and pause my player before clicking link*

What Faith Can Do ~ Kutless

And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and be planted in the sea'; and it would obey you. Luke 17:6

Clear as crystal

In my effort (and believe me, it IS an effort) to remain transparent concerning this journey my Sweet Hubby and I began over a year ago, and now my solitary path, I just wanted to say that I began grief counseling today with a Christian therapist.

It has been 369 days since my beloved was called Home and I have cried each and every one of them. Hard, sobbing tears. I prefer to be alone, I don't reach out, I don't do a lot of things I should do. I haven't seen my doctor since my Sweet Hubby's diagnosis and the medications I'm supposed to be on daily are long since gone. And my health is affected. I'm a nurse and I know better. I just haven't...cared.

The therapist asked me today if I'm trying to speed my own passing. And honestly, I had to think about it for a minute. But no...I'm not. At least I don't believe I am. I just don't care about 'me' the way I used to. Because that part of 'me' left 369 days ago.

Many things hurt more now than they ever did before. My Sweet Hubby was a wonderful and willing shock absorber. Who do you turn to when your confidante is gone? Who wraps their arms around you at the end of a bad day when you're all alone? I feel like I'm just one big, exposed nerve ending. To have people ask "when are you going to get over it?" or "when are you going to get on with your life?" is just incomprehensible to me. This IS my life, now. To lose people - friends - from your life that you never expected to lose - people you just knew would be your 'rock'...well...pain on pain.

So, I'm floundering in this sea of grief. And as independent and stubborn as I am, today I asked for a life jacket. I'm embarrassed that I can't seem to "do this" on my own. I'm disappointed in myself. But I'm putting it all out there anyway because we're called to be crystal clear.

And it is my prayer that your love may be more and more accompanied by clear knowledge and keen perception, for testing things that differ, so that you may be men of transparent character, and may be blameless, in preparation for the day of Christ, being filled with these fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ-- to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

365 days

...since the Lord called you Home.

And still I wonder how you can be gone. And if I'll ever stop crying...

My Prince. My Sweet Hubby. My Everything.
11/9/08

Missing you.

Loving you.

Always.

Forever.

Your True.

~Forever...then Rome~

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV

What if it's Jesus...

and I walk away...?

**Scroll down and pause my player before clicking link**

The Twenty-First Time ~ Monk and Neagle

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40 NIV

Fragile

More sad news today. And I'm just left reeling and feeling...

~fragile~

"The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11 NIV

To sleep...

perchance to dream...

The sadness comes in the waking.

Last night was a gift. Thank you, Father.

"'We both had dreams,' they answered, 'but there is no one to interpret them.' Then Joseph said to them, 'Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.'" Genesis 40:8

Update

Well, I made it...




And I was able to make it to the car before I melted - thank you, Lord.

From the poll I went to my studio and found the sweetest letter and pictures awaiting me. More tears...

I just got home a while ago and due to the time change, it's already pitch dark here. As I pulled into the driveway, a light was shining brightly. And for the first time since I lost my Sweet Hubby, my mind was a bit behind reality as I thought, "oh he's left the light on for me..."

Reality hits oh so hard.

I haven't stopped sobbing.

Oh...

Remembering...

As I sit here, after midnight, thinking of where I'll be going in a few hours...I can't help but remember.

One year ago, we got these:




and these...




Oh, what a difference a year makes...

My prayer tonight is that I not fall apart in public as I go to cast my vote for Virginia's next Governor.

And Cissa...thanks again for those flowers. And your friendship over the past 365 days (and more).

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57 NIV

Cry on my shoulder

My Beautiful Bride

You are never alone, My Beloved. When you hurt, I hurt, and it breaks My heart to watch you cry without Me. I am here with you, desiring to be the shoulder your tears fall on. I too walked the world broken, My love. We will work through any and all things together, My Bride. I can and will heal your broken heart. Call out my name, Jesus, in your dark hours, and I will hold you. Will you give Me a chance to love you back to life again? I promise that you will see the light of a new day and joy will come again.

Love,
Your Prince
Who will wipe away your tears

"He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21

My Prince of Peace

You truly are the love of my life and Your Bride is crying out to You now. Yes, come hold me while I cry. How it comforts my soul to have access to You anytime. I love knowing I am not alone in the dark. Thank you, My Prince, My Lord for reaching down from heaven with Your loving hand and wiping away my tears. Hold me until all is well with my soul again. Remind me when I hurt that you are just a prayer away.

Love,
Your Bride
Who longs to be in Your arms always

"But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears." Psalm 18:6

All excerpted from His Princess Bride: Love Letters from Your Prince by Sheri Rose Shepherd