Clear as...mud?

Let me start by saying: This has been a week. I don't know why, but it has. I'm glad it's coming to an end and I'm excited by the opportunity of a "fresh week."

As I turned to my devotional "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning, I think I gained a little insight on why my week has been so...unsettled. I'd like to share it with you, if you don't mind. But you might want to settle in, because I think this is gonna be a long one!

The subject of today's devotion was "Going Through Spiritual Confusion" and the Scripture verse was Matthew 20:22:

"Jesus answered and said, 'You do not know what you ask'"

And the text of the devotion read as follows:

"There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shrouding of His Friendship (see Luke 11:5-8). Jesus gave the illustration here of a man who appears not to care for his friend. He was saying, in effect, that is how the Heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think that He is an unkind friend, but remember -- He is not. The time will come when everything will be explained. There seems to be a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller fellowship and oneness. When God appears to be completely shrouded, will you hang on with confidence in Him?
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural Father -- as if He were callous and indifferent -- but remember, He is not. "Everyone who asks receives..." (Luke 11:10). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8). "When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18:8). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.

OK, convicted once again in my seat. As it became clear to me (well, clear as mud anyway!) that I have indeed felt adrift from the Father this week...like maybe He wasn't holding onto my hand as tightly as He had been. Oh no - because what's the saying? If we feel distanced from God, only one of us has moved...and it wasn't Him.

I have been struggling this week with my Sweet Hubby's diagnosis. He is so weak right now. I don't ask "why" because it doesn't matter, it's not important...but this week, every fiber of me has cried out "why?" Not why the diagnosis, but why does he have to suffer so...He is such a kind and gentle soul and it just hurts my heart to see him like this.

So. Thank you, Lord, for using the writing of Oswald Chambers to remind me that I won't always understand Your ways, I won't always "feel" Your friendship as closely as I do at other times. I need to let those feelings of "spiritual confusion" act as reminders to examine MY walk, MY faith, MY relationship with YOU. Because this morning, I realized that it was ME that let go of YOUR hand...But I'm holding on again, tight. And trusting with all my might. Even when I just don't understand.

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Whew...I feel the need for a little fun now - how about you? Thanks to my friend, Tracy Cavelli Trussell at Tracywriting4him, I've been "tagged!" This is a little lighthearted game to learn some tidbits about your fellow bloggers.

The Rules: 1) Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves. 2) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 4) Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and to read your blog.

So, I'm now to share 8 random things about myself and then the FUN part (for me anyway!)...I get to tag 8 of YOU to continue this madness! Ready? Here we go!

1) I hate cottage cheese. Blechhhhhhhh. Nasty, nasty. Somebody needs a spanking for inventing that stuff.
2) I never met a vegetable I didn't like. Well, maybe okra... ;)
3) I love dogs. I mean really, really love them. Cats are OK, but dogs...truly man's best friend.
4) I'm adopted. Thank you Jesus for blessing me with my Mom and Dad. What gifts they are!
5) My favorite color is red. I think. I really, really like pink though...
6) I think carrot cake is the perfect food. (J - are you laughing here?) Ask me to explain my theory one day...it makes perfect sense. Really, it does. Really, I mean it.
7) Working with HIV/AIDS patients was the best nursing job I had. I love that patient population. ER nursing is a close second. Greet 'em, treat 'em, street 'em. Gotta love it!
8) I wish we lived in a little tiny mountain town somewhere. Yeah, I could go for that.

Me, in a nutshell. Me, the nut, in a nutshell!

Ahh...now (rubbing my hands with glee!) who shall I choose?? Will the following bloggers please report to your comments section...you've been "tagged!"

Blessings From Above
I'm Thankful for the Thorns
Journaling for Growth
Lance's Soul Searching
LauraLee's Lifesong
Tamela's Place
The Jesus Filter
We Really Do Need Each Other