Monday, July 27, 2009

About all I can do...

Ever have one of those days? ...sigh...yeah, me too.

So, for today - about all I can do is "breathe." It'll have to be enough.

**Remember to scroll down and pause my player before listening."

Breathe ~ Michael W. Smith

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD." Psalm 150:6

Friday, July 24, 2009

First time ever!

It was bound to happen...after all - I have been blogging for more than a year now, you know!

So yep, here it is...In the Throne Room's first Meme - courtesy of Diane at Diane's Place - so thanks for the inspiration (and the questions) Diane! Let's get started, k?

1.] How come I can never find:
A deposit slip to the right account when I need one? When I have a business deposit, inevitably I have my personal checkbook on me and vice versa. I've decided to be a bit smarter and start carrying a few of each in my car's glove compartment. Why didn't I think of that sooner, hmm?

2.] I wish I'd never started: Smoking at the age of 13. Now, I no longer smoke...haven't for 20+ years. But it was a stupid habit to pick up in the first place. Ugh.

3.] I wonder why: Everything seems different in the dark, scarier somehow. I guess I'm just a sunshine kind of gal!

4.] Mama always told me: "How you yell into the woods is how it comes back to you." The German version of "do unto others." Words to live by.

5.] There's this one thing in my closet that I just can't seem to get rid of: Pocketbooks. And it's not just one. HA! What's a word for "(way) more than many?" I just can't part with a single one - I have a serious handbag addiction. (And my Sweet Hubby was quite the "enabler" - just so you know!) But shhh, it'll be our little secret, right?!

6.] My favorite guilty pleasure is: Frozen low or nonfat yogurt from The Skinny Dip. Oh...the coconut is out of this world delicious. Trust me! However, if I'm to be totally honest here - I almost never feel guilty!

7.] I always forget to: Recharge my cell phones until the verrrrry last minute. Umm yeah, sorry...didn't reaaallly hang up on you!

8.] I have never: Owned a gun, fired a gun, touched a gun. Never, ever. And don't plan to.

9.] I'm obsessed with:
Well, my obsessions change frequently but currently it's "Brickbreaker" on my Blackberry. It's a game...reminds me of "Pong" from the (very) old Atari days.

10.] One of my favorite memories is: Going to the farmer's market in Germany with my Opa when I was 4. The smells...oh the smells are with me till this day. How I wish we had a farmer's market the likes of that one...

Well, there you have it. 10 pieces of Gigi Trivia that you could have gone the rest of your life without knowing, right?! Hope you had even the tiniest bit of fun - I know I did!

"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.'" Psalm 126.2

Monday, July 20, 2009

In our brokenness

We all have our sufferings, our disappointments, our hurts and injustices...right? So what are we to do?

We do have choices, you know...

Some choose to sweep them under the rug - thinking if they don't acknowledge the "whatever" - it will just disappear.

Some embrace them and "put them on" as they would a wetsuit. And the "whatever" becomes like a second skin. Protective perhaps, but keeping them from truly experiencing life around them.

Some turn to artificial means of support - drugs, alcohol, a liaison...anything to take their mind off of "whatever."

And some fall on their knees and take "whatever" to the Father. It is at the Throne where we are welcomed in all of our brokenness. Nothing is beyond the Father's repair. He is the Creator of all, the Restorer of all, the Redeemer of all. He paid the price...for all.

I hope you enjoy this week's Music Monday choice. May you know God's love this week, and always.

**Remember to scroll down and pause my player before listening.**

Unredeemed ~ Selah

"O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." Lamentations 3:58

Friday, July 17, 2009

Know the enemy

Another memory knocks on my door today, waiting to be let in, relived, mourned...

It was shortly after noon, one year ago today, that my Sweet Hubby's gastroenterologist, Dr. Jansen called with the results of his liver biopsy. Adenocarcinoma of the tail of the pancreas. The deadliest diagnosis we could have gotten. The enemy now had a name. As a nurse, my heart just dropped at the words...a hideous cancer - aggressive and next to impossible to treat.

Did we have an oncologist? No. Could he recommend some to us? He did. We tried to get in with Dr. Michael Lee (in fact, Dr. Jansen made the call) but he was not accepting patients at that time. As fate would have it, he was my Sweet Hubby's oncologist for the last three weeks of his life. How I wish we could have been with him the entire course. I don't know that things would have been different, but maybe...

My Sweet Hubby was blessed to have two wonderful doctors: Dr. Jan Jansen and Dr. Michael Lee. I pray for these men often. They are both Christian men of great faith and it shows in their words, their compassion - in every way they interact with their patients and families.

It's been a very difficult month. Too many hard to relive events all piled up on top of each other. I'm hoping to be able to come up for air now.

"And with grief in her soul, weeping bitterly, she made her prayer to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:10


On a personal note - I would just like to say "thanks" to those of you who called, or left me a "happy birthday" comment, or sent a card, or flowers, or a fruit arrangement for my birthday. Your kindness made such a hard, tear-filled day a bit easier. You have been His hands and feet. God bless you.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The bouquet

This bouquet was my last birthday gift from my Sweet Hubby. Yes, today is my birthday...

He awoke before me, and as sick and weak as he was, went out into our yard and snipped here and there. A couple hydrangeas here, a few lilies there...

It was the most beautiful bouquet I've ever seen. It was put together with loving hands. I loved it and wanted it to last forever...

My Sweet Hubby always made a big fuss over my birthday. He said he didn't believe a day was enough and insisted that I have a birthday week. And he would start with the birthday wishes weeks in advance...oh, he always made me feel so special. So treasured. So loved.

Thank you, Sweetheart, for always making my dreams come true. Your love was the best gift of all...I am so very blessed to have called you mine.

"My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feeds among the lilies." Song of Solomon 2:16

Friday, July 10, 2009

I don't even remember his name

One year ago today; sometime after 4:30 in the afternoon, a doctor entered my Sweet Hubby's hospital room. We had been waiting for more than a day for test results.

This doctor came in, sat down and began stumbling around...blood work fine, but the CT showed a mass on the tail of the pancreas. Multiple lesions to the liver. More stumbling...Finally I said, "are you trying to tell us that my husband has pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to his liver?" One word. Yes.

That doctor delivered the most devastating news that I have ever heard in my life.

And I don't even remember his name.

Not that it matters...the result is still the same.

But one thing does matter. One thing I can assure you friends...there were no tears, no "why me" mentality. Only prayer, praise and worship.

And as I struggle here now, alone, I try to remember that. I try to honor that. Honor my Savior.

Only now - there are tears.

"But praise be to God who gives us strength to overcome through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Another "9th" is almost over. And I'm one month further in the process of grieving for my Sweet Hubby. I can tell you with every fiber of my doesn't get easier, it doesn't hurt less.

I now know that there are some wounds that time doesn't heal.

I love you sweetheart. And I miss you beyond words.

Your True

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The first of many

A year ago today, my Sweet Hubby awoke feeling "a bit better" (as he put it) but still moving really slowly. Not at all with the usual "spring in his step." It didn't take much coaxing to get him to stay home again...and this time I told him I would be calling his doctor to get an appointment.

He saw the doctor at 2:30 that afternoon. By 4:00 we were at the hospital across the street, in the ER, waiting to be admitted. All we knew at that point was that he was severely anemic and needed a blood transfusion. Suspected diagnosis? A bleeding stomach ulcer.

That admission was the first, but most certainly not the last; the blood transfusion only the first of many.

Funny...I sure didn't feel our world crashing down around us. But, oh how it was...

"And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Matthew 28:20

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

And so it began...

One year ago today, my Sweet Hubby woke up not feeling well at all. He was very weak, very tired...his head spun when he bent over - very dizzy. He said he felt like he was coming down with something. I suggested he stay home from work. He did. So not like him; I knew he felt bad. He spent most of the day in his recliner and said he was feeling better...we went to bed that night as normal. I told him I hoped he felt better when I said goodnight. I told him I loved him.

And so it began...

"The Lord is near the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Monday, July 6, 2009

Spoken for...

I pray you all had a safe 4th of July weekend and that if you lit off fireworks, you are still in possession of all your fingers and toes!

So tell does it feel to be spoken for? To know - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that your Savior loves you and desires you to be with Him through all of eternity! To know - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that you are a child of the Living God! I know how it makes me feel...blessed, loved, cherished, grateful, humbled, joyful, tearful, excited! I want everyone I know to feel the same way! If you don't have that peace in your heart, it is yours simply for the asking...

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

Spoken for. Aren't those wonderful words?

"I am the door; if anyone enters through me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture." John 10:9
"And it shall be that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Acts 2:21

Since it's Music Monday, I have a song! You knew it was coming, right?!

**Remember to scroll down and pause my player before listening**

MercyMe ~ Spoken For

I know of something else that's spoken blog birthday giveaway! And since you've been so patient, I won't keep you in suspense any longer! Here's how it went down...

I had four comments to my July 1st post - Dawn, Jody, Greg and Jess. These four names were entered into the drawing, like thus...

and so...

And then I placed the entries into one of my beautiful carved bowls that I brought back from Haiti. Isn't it lovely? Have I mentioned that Haiti was my favorite port of call on my recent cruise? No? Well, it was. But I digress...

And then, my baby boy, Matthew, did the honors. And yes - he really does have a head! But he felt like flying "incognito" during the photo shoot, so there you have it...oh, speaking of flying - well...I'll get to that in a few. We want prezzies, right?!

Ready, set...

Have I ever told you that I'm the Queen of A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N? I am. I really, really am.

And the winner is...

You know what? It's my blog birthday and I get to make the you're ALL winners.

Now I guess you'd like to know what your prezzie is, huh? Picky, picky! Alrighty then.

To quote from the CD:

"Chronicles and highlights of 10 years of music since the release of the song I Can Only Imagine. Includes eleven #1 songs as well as three never before heard recordings, including the 10th Anniversary edition of I Can Only Imagine featuring the London Session Orchestra."


"Ten years of video from MercyMe. This disc features music videos and live performance footage from across the United States. Included as a bonus is a in-depth feature of MercyMe produced by the Gospel Music Channel, as well as the story behind the song I Can Only Imagine."

Dawn, Jody, Greg and Jess - if you would please email me your address, I'll be getting this wonderful CD/DVD combo out to each of you! I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I do. My e-address can be found on my profile page.

So, thank you again for your faithfulness, your prayers and your friendship over the past year. What a gift you've all given me - and yes...that includes all you "behind the scenes" readers too! God bless...I wish you a wonderful week.

Oh - back to the flying thing...if you would all be so kind as to keep Matthew in your prayers this week as he flies to Chicago on Tuesday for a conference and flies home on Sunday. You know that makes this Mom very nervous! You're the best!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Happy Birthday

Can you believe it? I know I can't...

My blog is one year old today! To God be all the glory...this was His idea after all.

I think it's time for a prezzie, don't you? From me, to you I mean!

So everyone who posts a comment now through midnight Sunday, July 5th, is eligible. What is the prize, you ask? Well, if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?! I'll draw a name Monday morning and will announce the birthday gift recipient in my Music Monday post!

Good luck! And thank you for being such loyal readers for the past year. You know who you are - even those of you who never post a comment...! God bless you all.

"Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." John 1:13