Today is my anniversary. I have no words for how I'm feeling. Raw and broken aren't even close. Somehow I keep getting up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other.
No, not "somehow." God.
I loved being married to my Sweet Hubby; loved it (and him!!) every single day. He was honestly and truly my bestest buddy...there was no one I'd rather spend time with - be with - just hang out with! We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each other's company above all others. So unusual in this day and time when so many couples lead independent lives while living under the guise of "marriage."
He almost never called me by name. He called me "sweetheart." He called me "princess." He called me "true." When he spoke of me to others, he said "my sweetheart" or "my wife." It was something quite a few people mentioned at the visitation and the reception after my Sweet Hubby's funeral. They loved how he spoke of me - always with love and respect. I had my storybook love with him. He was my Prince...
We took our vows seriously; we meant them when we said them. If I live to be 100 years old, I will never know that kind of love again. Ever.
I wish we were celebrating our anniversary together today. My Sweet Hubby always planned our special day...it was a surprise for me. A gift. How many husbands do that?
Instead, at some point today, I'll leave my Mom's room in the ICU and head to the cemetery to sit at my Sweet Hubby's grave. I still don't know how this happened...how can he be gone?
Happy Anniversary sweetheart. I love you so much. I miss you more than I can bear.
Forever...then Rome.
"What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Mark 10:9
Posts
6 comments:
Gigi, I can't say that I know how you feel about your first anniversary without your dear husband, but I can say I have been where you are with your mother. My sisters and I and other family nursed both my Mama and my Daddy at home until their deaths from cancer, less than 4 months apart.
My prayers are with you, my friend. I hope you can set aside your grief enough to celebrate the wonderful life and memories you made with your hubby, and I pray God's will be done with your mother.
Stay strong in the Lord, my friend. He has promised never to leave us nor forsake.
Much Love,
Diane
Dearest Gigi,
No words, just praying God will take you through this day, and rejoicing with you that you had such a beautiful marriage.
I came over from the CBO prayer request - I haven't read your blog before, but I had to write you today. Our 36th anniversary is tomorrow (Sunday) and I cannot even fathom the pain you feel as you go through this period without your Sweet Hubby. I was in tears as I have scrolled down and read the last few posts. You write beautifully. I love the story of your conversion, and your obvious love for our Lord.
I have been forced to go to a private blog, but would love to invite you over, if you are interested. You can e-mail me at dawn.carlson@colostate.edu and I can invite you to join. I will pray for your mom. That is a lot for your family to go through at this time.
i was just thinking that before julu you had not inclinations of his sickness, now leess than 6 months later and he is gone, not really though, but such a short time and i rememeber when you first told all of us the diagnosis, well we coulddn't believe it, we were all waiting for you to tells us he had something that he would get better of, and then his death and you came out all at once and just said it, my hubby died today, that was so awful and yet you said it so sweetly to all of us who love you...now an aniversary and your courage, love you so much...the putz
Hi Gigi,
Words can't express my feelings for you. I pray for you to feel the Holy Spirit light upon you and bear your pain.
Blessings,
Vicki
Hello Gigi,
I am so sorry for the pain you feel. I cry as i read your post. I try to imagine the grief that you feel when i think of my own husband. I am very close to my husband as well and can't even bear to think what life would be like without him. Living in this world to be quite honest really sucks at times. I don't understand why there must be so much pain and heartache. It would be much better if we could all be with Jesus. When I listen to other peoples stories of heartache and pain, i find myself praying to Please come Lord Jesus and take us out of this world of sorrow. I sing the song, "There will be a day", by Jeremy camp quite often. That is our HOPE! that there is coming a better day!
Post a Comment