Monday, February 9, 2009

Please understand...

Today marks the three month anniversary of my Sweet Hubby's homegoing. In almost every way it seems like just yesterday. But it feels like an eternity since I saw his beloved face, felt his hand in mine and heard him say "I love you."

I participate in an online support group sponsored by the CancerCare organization. Membership is private and closed to the general public. When I first joined last year, I was in the "pancreatic cancer caregiver's group" and now I am in the "partner's bereavement group." This past week, one of the members posted the following. I share it here, for myself as well as anyone else you may know who is going through the loss of a spouse.

Please understand By Suzanne Miller

My Husband died,

There - It's down in black and white. What I mean is, he's still alive in spirit, but his body died. And that's how I became a member of the community of the bereaved. And as a member I ask for your understanding. Not your pity - your understanding.

As individuals, we in the community of the bereaved need you. Don't worry about saying the "Right things". We're tired of cliches. We know our "dear ones are at peace with God" and that they feel no more pain.

But, we still miss their physical presence. There was this one person on earth to whom we were the most important; one person who knew us so completely that no words were necessary. We miss that.

If we seem distant, please understand. Some of us are still in shock. Even if the illness was long and the prognosis unfavorable, we maintained the hope that death wouldn't come. We had to. How else could we face each other and encourage our loved one?

If we seem angry , please understand. Most of us are angry, but we know that God accepts our anger and refines it into an energy that will be vital in our outreach to others.

If tears come at inappropriate times and places, please understand. Our emotions, even yet are raw. Just when we think we are in control, a song or a scent - or a feeling of utter desolation overcomes us.

Or, if we laugh, know that deep inside we are hurting. WE know that God has given us the gift of a sense of humor and that our loved ones are rejoicing that we are exercising this gift.

We may be forgetful. Sleep is elusive, we may not eat properly; we may make foolish purchases. Please don't condemn us. Just know it can be a part of the grieving process. In time, we'll come around.

And please, oh please, let us follow our own timetables. We each march or stumble along the route at our own pace. Grief has no calendar; don't hold us to a timetable. For the moment, we are drifting, buoyed by the love of God and our faith in Jesus Christ.

This faith, along with your understanding, will enable us - eventually - to celebrate life once again.

I love the phrase "buoyed by the love of God." It reminds me of a life jacket when you're adrift in the ocean...held up, supported. Yes.

I hope you enjoy the song I've chosen for today. It kind of goes along with the life jacket thing...
**Remember to scroll down and pause my player before clicking the link**

He Will Carry Me ~ Mark Schultz

"Even to your old age I will be the same, and even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; and I will bear you and I will deliver you." Isaiah 46:4


Dawn said...

So beautiful. And the analogy to the life jacket - just perfect.

I haven't lost my spouse nor a child, but have been through the loss of a child with 4 friends now - I do understand what you have shared here today. Blessings!

Jody said...

Praying for you today.

Tamela's Place said...

Hello Gigi,

That was good, i won't try to say the right words because i have no words. I still hope for the return of Jesus soon :)

Vicki said...

Hi Gigi,
I guess I have a tender heart. I cried when I read your entry today. I wish all who love you could take a portion of the pain, loneliness, and deep sorrow for you and make your burden less. I miss your sweet hubby for you.