Thursday night blessing

This past Thursday night Dr. David Jeremiah came to town. I have been looking forward to this event for months now and what a blessing it was!

Dr. Jeremiah is the Senior Pastor at Shadow Mountain Community Church in the San Diego area of California. He is a gifted teacher, author and speaker and my Sweet Hubby and I enjoyed watching his televised "Turning Point" every week. I still do...

Here is a snippet of what he delivered Thursday evening:

**Remember to scroll down and pause my player before clicking links**

Dr. David Jeremiah at The Ted, 9/24/09

The focus of Dr. Jeremiah's talk was how we should be living as we wait for the return of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

1. We are to watch vigilantly!
2. We are to war valiantly!
3. We are to walk virtuously and...
4. We are to wait victoriously!

He spoke of salvation...

PAST salvation ~ I have been saved (from the penalty of sin)
PRESENT salvation ~ I am being saved (from the power of sin)
FUTURE salvation ~ I will be saved (from the presence of sin)

He spoke of sin and how the Bible tells us to RUN from four things:

• idolatry
• youthful lusts
• materialism
• sexual immorality
  

Two natures beat within my breast;
The one is foul, the one is blessed.
The one I love, the one I hate;
The one I feed will dominate.

He advised us to "Pray to God, but row away from the rocks!" In other words, avoid the things we know will hurt us! Rely on God for our strength in all things, but especially when we are being tempted!

I could have listened to his counsel for days and days...the event was "sold out" (even though the tickets were free) and there was literally standing room only. I arrived early and was so thankful I did...as the time to begin drew near they announced that traffic was backed up for 20 minutes in all directions! Dr. Jeremiah graciously extended the worship music to allow as many to arrive as possible! Hallelujah!!

The evening kicked off with wonderful praise and worship music led by Charles Billingsley who currently leads worship at Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia as well as Joi Bolling from Shadow Mountain Community Church. We were introduced to a new song - written by Liberty University student Travis Doucette. It's a beautiful song based on the first chapter of Colossians...and it's today's Music Monday feature. I wish I had a better video to offer, but it's new...so please bear with this one!

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation." Colossians 1:15

God of the Ages ~ Charles Billingsley

And here's one that Joi sang...

Through the Fire ~ Joi Bowling

What a voice! Dr. Jeremiah said she is working on a CD - that's one I'll buy for sure!

I wish I could have packed you all up and taken you with me...it was quite a night.

"And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed."
Romans 13:11

The beginning of it all

Yesterday was the anniversary of our first date. We began as friends...and praise God, we remained the best of friends throughout our marriage. At some point, my Sweet Hubby asked me out. I told him it was not a date, rather an outing. Crazy, right?! He said he didn't care what I called it as long as he could pick me up and take me to a movie! And so it began.

He truly was my best friend. Outside of work hours, when you saw one - you usually saw the other. Rarely did we do anything apart. We just preferred each other's company over all others. Which makes all of this now so very difficult. But you know? I wouldn't change one second of what we had. It was a great love and I'm so grateful, so thankful to the Father that He blessed us with the life we shared. The love we shared...it was a gift.

It was the best "outing" of my life.

*Scroll down and pause my player before clicking the link*

I Will Be Here ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

"The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes leaping on the mountains, skipping on the hills." Song of Solomon 2:8

Special Delivery

Finally. After months and months of looking and planning. Followed by yet more months of waiting...it's here. Finally.


This is a view of the reverse side...I'm not comfortable posting a picture of the front since my blog is open to the public. But I can tell you it turned out beautifully.

I was at the cemetery for the installation and the two gentlemen who installed it couldn't have been more painstaking. I had no idea what was involved, but it was alot and they were wonderful - through my tears and all! Once the stone was in place they stayed to be sure I was satisfied with everything. I was. I am. Except that it has to be there at all. I would so change that if only I could...

One thing I can change - and that's my mind! Here's a little peek at a bit of the front.



Forever...then Rome. I'll save that for another day.

"But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised." 1 Corinthians 15:12-13

Pulse check

Thanks for your comments and emails of concern. I'm still here. Still alive and kickin'.

Something good is supposed to be happening today...I'm not going to share it just yet in case it doesn't come through as planned. But perhaps tomorrow. Same time, same place!

"I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers." 2 Timothy 1:3

Another milestone

And I so appreciate those of you who remember along with me. God bless...

10 months with the Lord...missing you and loving you always.

"I thank my God every time I remember you." Philippians 1:3

Waiting upon Him

Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do. But I am determined...

**Please scroll down and pause my player before clicking the link**

Everlasting God ~ Lincoln Brewster

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

I wish you all a happy and safe Labor Day holiday.

A special day

Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I love you.
Always, Your True
xo

Just two words...

Thank you. You have no idea what your loving support means right now - truly you don't. So...thank you.

"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me." Psalm 50:15

Time for a little honesty...

So...after an exchange of emails over the last couple of days with a friend (and you know who you are) and some (OK, a lot) of introspection, I think the time has come to not only be honest with myself but you, my blogging "family" as well.

And since it's Monday, I will begin with this video...

**Scroll down and pause my player before clicking the link**

Motions ~ Matthew West

Going through the motions. That's been my life for these past 9+ months.

As Christians, we speak of "transparency." Exposing our true selves - faults, warts and all. Letting others see the ugly parts of us that we normally keep tucked away so they won't think less of us. Deep breath...

People ask me how I'm doing. I say "fine." Or "hanging in there, thanks for asking." But that's not being honest. It's telling them what they want to hear, what they want to believe because after 9 months I should be OK, right? After all, I'm not the first woman to lose a husband...sigh.

The truth is:

I feel like my life ended when my Sweet Hubby's did. I have no interest in anything, I don't have any energy or motivation to do anything. I work when I feel up to it, but definitely can't even consider it part time. I am withdrawing from everyone and everything. And I just really don't care...I may smile on the outside but I feel dead on the inside. I guess feeling nothing is the same as feeling dead, isn't it?

Someone emailed me today that they check my blog if they don't hear from me knowing that if something were really wrong it would be on my blog. Nothing could be further from the truth!! Because the truth is ugly...see? Why would I want anyone to really know how (or how little, actually) I'm feeling? They might see that I (gasp!) don't have it all together. That I'm actually quite a big mess, in fact.

I'm a walking catastrophe mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I feel like in my present state of being, I let everyone down. My family, my friends, my husband and my God. I want to do better...but then again - I just don't care. I don't have the wherewithal to do anything about it. What a crossroads, huh?

I've always been a strong-willed person. Ask anyone who knows me - they'll tell you...this is not my normal state. I'm a "get in the trenches and do what you need to do" type of person. I've never been afraid to get dirty. And things got plenty dirty when my Sweet Hubby got sick.

But since I lost him, I feel like I've lost everything. We shared everything. Now, I share nothing...

I'm just going through the motions.

So like the song said...I don't care if I break - at least I'll be feeling something. And something's got to be better than nothing. Right?

I've been mulling over posting about all of this since receiving two specific emails from GriefShare:

Express your tears and your pain. In order to move on, you cannot push down and pocket your emotions; they must be fully communicated for you to heal.

"Everyone cries," says Dr. H. Norman Wright. "Everyone sheds tears. Some people do it on the outside, but some are only capable of doing it on the inside. From a health perspective, the shedding of tears is very beneficial to physical well-being.

"The people who are unable or haven't developed the capacity to cry are carrying a heavier load of emotion that can actually contribute to some physical difficulties. I don't think you should ever apologize for your tears because you never apologize for something that is a gift from God."

Pull out your emotions. Face the pain head-on. Mourn loudly. Weep bitterly. Be set free.

When Peter realized he had disowned Jesus three times, he "went outside and wept bitterly" (Luke 22:62). When Stephen, the first Christian martyr, died, devout men "made loud lamentation over him" (Acts 8:2 NASB).

Holy God, I'm so adept at pushing down my emotions that I don't know how to pull them up, but I know that I must. Give me the opportunity and the courage to let my emotions pour out freely. Amen.

And:

"Don't imagine that you're gonna tough this out and make it all by yourself," says Dr. Jim Conway.

Do you have a person with whom you can share your innermost feelings about your loss? Take action to find someone. Often it is helpful to find someone who has experienced a loss similar to your own.

Pray first that God will direct you. Then make a list of family members, friends, neighbors, and coworkers with whom you might share. Pick up the phone and plan a time to meet and talk. You might also call your local church and explain that you just need someone to talk to about your situation. Another idea is to find a grief support group where you can share, ventilate, talk, and find support from others who can truly relate.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Lord, direct me to the person You want me to have as a friend and confidant during this time of grief. Amen.

So I've prayed about it...and prayed about it some more. Which leads me here, to today's post and sharing this with you. Because I don't want to go through the motions. And I don't want to pretend anymore.

There. Warts exposed.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

How exciting!

Next Sunday, my church begins a new study during Sunday school based on this book. I'm just into the first chapter...but - how exciting!! Here are some tidbits:

Lie 1: God is whatever we want Him to be

This is the first reason why we have so many idolatrous ideas about God today: we are impatient with His silence in this confused age. Donald McCullough quotes newspaper columnist Russell Baxter, who lost his father to an early death, as saying, "After this I never cried again with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference." We think that if God is all-powerful, He would put an end to the suffering of this world, so we construct a god who puts up with evil for the same reasons we do: he can do very little about it. Or else we turn away from reality and say that evil does not exist.

So a second motivation for idolatry is that we want a God who is more tolerant of us, less demanding, less "judgmental." When a friend of mine left his wife for another woman, he withdrew from his friends at the church and formed new friendships in bars and sports complexes. He felt better associating with people who could accept his choices without judging; he wanted to be affirmed, rather than rebuked, for the "courage" to leave his wife. Just so, we want a God who will not mess with the core of our lives.

(excerpted from 10 Lies about God by Erwin Lutzer)

What are the other 9 lies you ask? Well, here they are:

Lie 2: Many paths lead into God's presence (I can't wait to read this chapter!)
Lie 3: God is more tolerant than He used to be
Lie 4: God has never personally suffered (Oh wow -do some people really believe this??!)
Lie 5: God is obligated to save followers of other religions
Lie 6: God takes no responsibility for natural disasters
Lie 7: God does not know our decisions before we make them
Lie 8: The Fall ruined God's plan
Lie 9: We must choose between God's pleasures and our own
Lie 10: God helps those who help themselves

(excerpted from 10 Lies about God by Erwin Lutzer)

That's just a taste! What a study this is going to be!!

"Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him. But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men. They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see; they have ears but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell; they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk; nor can they utter a sound with their throats. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them." Psalm 115:3-8